By Tim Colin
According to my sources at the National Anti-Space Alien Magazine (NASAM), the number one moon spy for the U.S. government has safely returned to earth under the cover story that a large bus sized communications satellite. The cover story had to be generated so that the people of the United States in particular would not know that the U.S. has been conducting a sometimes hot war with the people of the moon. These people (creatures) call themselves the Leap. HNN publications have been covering the war from time to time whenever some secret data on the war has been uncovered.
When our first moon invader took his first step upon the moon he described the Leap in a messaged that was intentionally garbled by the government so that it sounded like “One small step for a man. One giant leap for mankind.” In actuality the message was “One Small Leap could eat a man. One Giant Leap could eat all of mankind.” The former astronaut was of course describing our “First Contact” with the creatures that inhabit the moon. The creatures are of two types one being the Small Leap who does all the jobs no one wants to do like cleaning the bathrooms and cooking the meals. The Giant Leap are the rulers of this fascist world and do not want their world contaminated with garbage from the planet earth. Of course when our astronauts left the moon they left behind a lot of non-biodegradable candy wrappers and tin foil from the lunar cookouts and parties the astronaugghts had. Of course there were beer cans and bottles left all over the place because there was no place to return them and get a bottle refund. Well, you might be guessing right about now the moon men were most unhappy with the conduct of humans upon their pristine planet. Of course the moon monsters were very polite so they did not say anything until several more astronauts from earth pretty much partied and trashed the entire surface of the planet. So, after Apollo 17 left the moon the Leap sent a message to Earth saying that there were to be no more visitors from Earth on their planet. Well, of course we sent up Apollo 18 and we all know what happened then. NASA had to send up Apollo 19 just to clean up the mess and of course recover the film for the movie.
Since then, we have been at war with the Leap culminating in President Obama ordering a nuclear strike upon the lunar poles which is where most of the water is at and also the place where the Leap have all their major underground cities. The cover story for the attack was that the United States was nuking the moon to see if there would be any detectable water molecules flying up from the surface.
Now our little spy, a member of the Small Leap species, has had his cover exposed so he had to seek asylum on Earth. Evidently, this Small Leap was not only our spy but he was also a member of the Little Leap Resistance fighters. The LLRF are evidently fighting for an independent nation which is free from the domination of the Great Leap. All this year the Small Leap have been protesting for their freedom. Some have been calling it the “Little Leap Year” much like some called this the year of “The Arab Spring”.
The information the Small Leap has given to our government has been very important in our ongoing war efforts on the moon. This particular Leap spy had a job as a men’s room attendant. Now it is traditional on the moon for wealthy and powerful leap to want their urinals cleaned by lowly attendants while the urinal is in use. It seems the Leap are very much into keeping their porcelain fixtures very clean. Of course for our spy this allowed him to get up close and personal to all the important Leap on his planet and while cleaning urinals that were being used one day he overheard two VIP government officials discussing various places they’d like to go eat at on Earth once of course the moon creatures had defeated our military forces. It seems the moon creatures have a real penchant for Philly cheese steak but, they also love Chicago style deep dish pizza so one or both of these cities could be the starting point for a full scale invasion of the planet Earth. Our publications will continue to cover this story as more information becomes available.
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