By Tim Colin
Today I interviewed Dr. Rainwater, professor of industrial and manufacturing arts at Rig A Ma Roll University Online. Dr. Rainwater has developed over the last thirty years a brand new device which will monitor climate change worldwide. Last year Dr. Rainwater won the Nobel Peace Prize in Climatology for the invention of his device which should help farmers’ world wide. The United States Department of Agriculture has ordered 10 million devices at a cost of $7,000 each.
I met Dr. Rainwater at The Skuzz Town bar which is located just east of Skuzz Town Michigan. Skuzz Town is a small Michigan community located on a dirt road that has a sign which says “Seasonal Road” as you turn onto it just off M911. The town itself is made up of a bar, a hardware store and, several rental cabins.
Dr. Rainwater was a rather grizzly fellow with a long gray beard and long gray hair with streaks of black in it. Dr. Rainwater evidently is a collector of antique clothing since the wide lapelled leisure suit and dingy white turtle neck sweater he wore were made about fifteen years before I was born. His high heeled shoes and candy striped bell bottoms told me the good doctor was a bit anachronistic (I always wanted to use the word “anachronistic”).
I asked Dr. Rainwater if he would mind showing me the device he had invented to monitor the weather. “No problem,” he replied as he pulled out an old metal coffee can out from a shopping bag that lay on the bar stool next to his. “This is it,” he said as he pounded it down in front of me. “It is environmentally friendly since it is made out of something that usually ends up in landfills and it works really well at measuring rainfall. Take a look inside and you’ll see where I’ve marked off the inches all up and down the can. The only thing I haven’t perfected is that every time it rains the numbers in the can kind of wash off. I’m experimenting with some different paints and inks to see if I can find one that won’t wash off when it rains. Once I do, my invention will be nearly perfect. It’s just too bad I have not found a clear coffee can so that I can mark the numbers off on the outside instead of the inside. I initially tried to put the numbers on the outside of the can but, you just can see through the metal just how much water there is inside.”
I tried to guzzle down the beer I had in front of me but, it stuck to the table so bad that there was no way I could lift it to my mouth. I finally had to ask the bartender for a straw. I didn’t want to spoil the good doctor’s enthusiasm but, I thought that I had seen a device already similar to the one he had invented. I believe it was called a rain gauge.
Doctor Rainwater went on to tell me that his invention was also being patented as a medical device. It seems not only could the device measure the amount of rainwater that had fallen but, it could help in diagnosing human drainage problems like an enlarged prostrate. Dr Rainwater also said that the device might have military applications. The doctor theorized his invention could be used to measure the fall out of radioactive debris after a thermonuclear war.
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