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Thursday, May 28, 2009


This is Tim Collin with the final report on the alien ship that crash landed in Long Lake near Interlochen Michigan. I am now back at my office after a weekend of trying to locate the alien craft and it’s occupants. In my last report, the raft that I and Gerard (the strange guy that raises rats), was dissolving. The raft the twins were in was also going to the bottom of Long Lake. Actually, it was strangely dissolving into the surface water. It seems the stuff you use to inflate and temporally fix flat tires on cars, doesn’t work on rafts made of “Uh Oh”. My brother went snorkeling to try to find what was at the bottom of Long Lake and had come up missing. It was dark out and the mosquitoes were terrible and, worst of all something kept bumping up underneath our sinking/dissolving boat.

Well, my brother turned up. He was of course banging away at the bottom of my raft for over two hours before he figured out that he could get to the surface easier just by swimming out from under the boat. He thought if he banged on the bottom I would move our sinking raft. I was curious as to how my brother Mike could breathe while under the boat for more than two hours? I thought he should have at least suffered brain damage but, I wasin’t sure how to tell if my brother had lost any brain cells since he was never all that bright anyway.

So how did my brother survive hours without coming to the surface or breathing through his snorkel? It turns out that I had forgotten that my brother was born with a fully functional set of gills. When my brother was born, the doctors told my parents that my father should stop feeding his family with fish he caught from the cooling pond at the local nuclear plant. My dad said that before my brother was born, my mother developed an appetite for fish. We din’t have any money so, my dad got a special permit from the Department of Natural Resources to take all the fish he wanted from the nuclear cooling pond without paying for a license. Dad said that the fish were easy to catch with a net since they spent their time floating on top of the water. I wonder if the webbing between my toes has anything to do with the nuclear pond fish I ate as a kid?

After my brother was back on board our sinking boat, the twins descended into the water as their raft with a final, bubbling fizz, finished dissolving. My brother was on board the raft with myself and Gerard for only about 15 minutes before our boat fizzled out from under us leaving us up to our necks in water. Luckily we were only in about three feet of water so we all just stood up and walked about 100 feet up to the beach.

We collapsed on the beach, tired and covered with mosquito bites. This would seem to have been a wasted effort except, along the beach there were strange, non-human looking clawed footprints. After we all recovered from our walk to the beach, we followed the tracks until they disappeared into a bunch of thick bushes. As we looked into the bushes a pair of shinny eyes glowed back at us. This thing was definitely not human. It made a snarling sound then, moved slowing off into the night. The strange thing was, as we followed the foot prints down the beach, every so often we would come upon a fish head left behind, evidently by the creature. It seems the alien only eats the bodies of it’s victims and leaves the heads behind.

We came back later that day to make some plaster castes but, the waves had washed away the tracks the alien had left behind. We wanted some proof to debunk the NASA cover-up story. However, with our alien contact, I guess we debunked the NASA explanation that there was just a weather balloon that crashed last week. At least our group witnessed the alien entity and its barbaric eating habits.

In conclusion, there was something out there. This thing is not even remotely human. It eats bodies and leaves heads behind as it meanders around beaches with its long, clawed feet. Someday, when we have better technologies, we will return to Long Lake and try once again to discover the location of the craft that landed there. We might even make first contact with the thing we encountered on the beach. Like agent Moulder of the X-Files TV show use to say, “Something is out there”.

Thursday, May 21, 2009


This is Tim Collin with our second report on the mysterious space craft that streaked across the Northern Hemisphere and crash landed into Long Lake about four miles from Interlochen Michigan in Grand Traverse County. As I described in our last blog before we went out on our Delta Force expedition to defend the planet Earth from invaders, I had asked our group if anyone had pumps? I assumed they realized we needed pumps to inflate our rubber rafts. The twins named Laurie and Carrie said they would each bring pumps so I thought “problem solved.” These two beautiful and Star Trek loving community college girls each brought a pair of shoes they called pumps which, of course, could not blow up our rubber rafts. Luckily, my brother Mike, who could not ever hope to pass a class in remedial PE on the community college level, decided to try blowing up our rafts using cans of “Fix-A-Flat”. This actually worked. At least it worked for a while. I’ll get to that later.

Meanwhile, on our special government sequenced radio monitoring devices which monitor government transmissions (also known as FM radio), we heard from one source (NPR Radio) that NASA said that the sighting was actually just a weather balloon. We professionals in the alien investigating field know that of course, NASA always says everything extra terrestrial is a weather balloon. If the Earth had as many weather balloons sticking into it as the NASA guys say it has sticking out of it then it would look like a planet with a bunch of weather balloons sticking into it, or out of it or, I’m not sure what I am saying. I just know that I’m right. This is what NASA does when it comes to aliens, it confuses you so you don’t know if you are sticking in or sticking out. Some times my shirt tale’s in. Some times my shirt tale’s out. Woe is me. I just want to go home. Especially because the mosquito’s are so bad out here after dark.

While the rest of us were out floating around in our boats all day today, my brother Mike decided to go snorkeling to see if he could locate the crash sight. We haven’t seen him since and it has been 2 hours. I fear for the worst. We shoved him over (dropped him off) in the middle of Long Lake and he can’t swim very well. I’m afraid the aliens have abducted him. What is worse? I have something constantly coming up from the lake and pounding on the bottom of my boat. This has been going on for about the last 2 hours.

Another problem has become apparent. This problem was caused by the “Fix-A-Flat” solution we used to inflate our rubber boats. Apart from not using this product for the designed purposes that the label warns us about, it also has the side affect of dissolving the fake rubber our boats are made of. It seems our boats were made in a country called Chuna. Chuna is a country that makes rip-off products of rip-off products produced in China. According to the box, our boats are not made of rubber or plastic but, of the new space age material known as Uhoh". This is as in “uh oh, I think we are sinking”. "Uhoh", is also the main ingredient in the tuna substitute, low cost product, found in cans of chuna fish.

There it goes again. Something keeps hitting the bottom of my boat. I guess I will have to wait awhile before I can report on more of our investigation. My lap top battery is running low and I dropped my cell phone in the bottom of the boat which has about three inches of water in it right now.

Monday, May 18, 2009


We have just found out that a small craft from outer space crash landed today at approximately 1:04 a.m. Eastern Time, with daylight savings time included. A streak of light moved over the northern hemisphere and suddenly plunged into Long Lake just about 4 miles from the Interlochen Center for the Arts Academy located in Northern Michigan. Perhaps they are coming to watch the Willie Nelson concert. We just don’t know.

We have been spending the day putting together a Delta Force group to investigate and if needed, take on these aliens in some sort of intergalactic war. To be a part of this lethal force of good guys, you must have seen the new Star Trek movie at least six times. We know no one else is qualified to deal with space aliens.

The delta force includes me, Tim Collin; I am a proud geek and have no life. The group also includes my brother Mike; he is the most expendable member and will be forced to sacrifice himself to save the earth. We have the twin very nice looking sisters, Laurie and Carrie. They both are “C” students at the local college but, they love Star Trek, Battle Star Galatica and, Babylon five. My brother Ted wimped out on us so, I was forced to get my cousin Gerard to help out. Gerard raises rats in his basement and then sells them to schools for experimentation purposes. Gerard is our creepy, not too bright guy. I told everyone to stay away from him. Finally, I found a guy named Bob to come along as our photographer and video guy. He has a cell phone that takes video pictures. Cool!!!

It is now 4:00 P.M and our team will set up camp near the site of the crash at 0100 hours from now (I think that is 5:00 P.M.). We have our wet suits and snorkeling gear. We’ve chartered several rubber boats that we will need to blow up after we’ve set up camp. The twins said they would bring a pump. Things are getting really exciting now.

We will soon be in the wilds of Northern Michigan looking for life forms from a distant world. Will they be friendly or hostile? We will find out? We will report back when we can and if we can. Good luck humanity as we of Delta Force go off to fight the foes of the universe to protect the American way of life. We defend freedom and liberty and, the choice to get really, really fat and out of shape like my brother Mike or, to have respect for yourself and stay lean and mean like me.

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